Beginnings Pt10

I won’t get into the particulars, but let’s just say due to my upbringing I developed a personality that is very co-dependant with an “All In” mentality. This is only something that I have just recently come to understand about myself with the help of much therapy. As a result, I can now check myself when these tendencies kick in. Unfortunately in 2007 and 08 I was completely unaware of my unhealthy behaviour. In fact I thought that my overly committed, abandon all else in my life to help Edward, focus was a character trait that was not only appropriate but a sign of loyalty. Therefore, I zealously involved myself in making “The Insects” a successful show. I went shopping with Edward for costumes, altered costumes and even volunteered my unused Lululemon clothes to help with what could not be afforded. (My unworn, tags still on, Lululemon stock was embarrassingly substantial. Yes I was an addict. But in my defence, Lulu on eBay was much cheaper 15 years ago). I also offered to forego my salary if it put too much of a strain on the company finances. I offered my mother’s time share as a place to stay when in Florida so we didn’t have to pay hotel prices. I volunteered to hand out flyers, and send out invites to agents and performance industry people. I fully enmeshed myself into Tripsichore and forsook pursuing any other life outside of those parameters. I was an emotional, unhealthy maniac! And by this time I had no friends around me to check me and let me know that I was giving too much. I had centred my whole life around making the vision of Tripsichore that Edward and I talked about a reality. In truth I didn’t want to be checked by anyone because one; they wouldn’t understand, and two; all would be worth it in the end.

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